Episode 20
Middle of Motherhood with my Mom and Sisters
I'm super excited to share with you the final episode of our "Women Who Made Me" series, where I was joined by my mother and three sisters to talk about motherhood.
We talked about the tough parts like watching our children make poor decisions and dealing with their health struggles, as well as the challenges of worrying about their mental health and school, and how our illnesses can affect our abilities as mothers. We discussed documenting memories to look back on and giving information instead of advice, and advised doing everything with a good heart. We ended the conversation by talking about the importance of forgiving oneself for making mistakes and doing what is morally right.
It was a great conversation, and I hope you enjoy listening to it as much as we enjoyed recording it!
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Transcript
Welcome to Sharing the Middle and our final installment of the Women who Made Me series.
Speaker A:This one, I mean, it's got to be my favorite because it is my mom and sisters who join me to chat through topics about motherhood.
Speaker A:I really love it.
Speaker A:I think my favorite part of it is that you're going to hear at least a little bit of just how we are in life.
Speaker A:With that being said, you know, I love transparency, so I'm going to give you a little bit of behind the scenes from this.
Speaker A:We had some technical issues, and because it's so hard to get four, well, five, but I don't count very busy people in the same area or room, even virtually, I made it work with what I had.
Speaker A:So you will hear from my sister Brandy.
Speaker A:It just won't be until the end.
Speaker A:You will hear my sister Amy in.
Speaker B:The beginning, but then not the end.
Speaker A:And my sister Becky always sounds like she's shouting, so it is worth it.
Speaker A:And I promise you, Lane, I can't promise you that it'll bring you joy like it brings me joy, but darn it, I really hope it does because these are some amazing women, and I am so proud to call them mine.
Speaker A:So let's jump right in.
Speaker B:Welcome to Sharing the Middle, where recovering perfectionists, overachievers, and anyone in the middle of the struggle come together.
Speaker B:You guys can't make faces like, no, I love it.
Speaker C:Protecting your ability to withstand it, not being perfect.
Speaker B:Come together to learn to embrace the messy middles of life.
Speaker B:I'm Lacy, your friend in the middle and guide, and my claim to fame this week is just getting four very busy people in a podcast together.
Speaker B:So that's my pat on the back.
Speaker B:And today is a very, very special episode because I have one, literally, the woman who made me my mom.
Speaker B:But also my sister is here to wrap up our Women who Made Me series for the month of March.
Speaker B:And I'm just really excited that they're here and willing to do this with me.
Speaker B:So welcome.
Speaker B:So I have my mom.
Speaker B:Mom, you want to say hi?
Speaker D:Hello.
Speaker B:Her name's Carolyn.
Speaker D:It's Mom.
Speaker B:I know her name's Carolyn, but we're going to call her mom.
Speaker D:Okay.
Speaker B:I have my sister Brandy, and then I have my sister Amy.
Speaker B:Hello.
Speaker B:And then we have my sister Becky.
Speaker C:Hi.
Speaker B:This is obviously a lot more people than normal in the podcast, so we're just going to roll with it.
Speaker B:We're going to see how it goes.
Speaker B:Then they're going to laugh and make fun of me, apparently, during the whole thing.
Speaker B:But it was really important for me to bring them on here.
Speaker B:One, because I asked my mom if she would do it and she said she wouldn't do it by herself.
Speaker B:And she has explicitly said that she is going to say as little as possible.
Speaker B:So.
Speaker D:So.
Speaker B:But also because I grew up in a house full of women.
Speaker B:I mean, being the youngest of five, where it's three sisters, I just, I feel like I've always been around mostly women in my life.
Speaker B:And I also appreciate that all of us are very different, but similar in a lot of ways.
Speaker B:And yeah, I think they're really awesome.
Speaker B:So I just wanted to hear from them.
Speaker B:We are going to go ahead and start and I'm going to ask my first question that I ask all my guests, and that was is when you first heard of the middle from me, when I was talking about the concept.
Speaker B:What, what Viscerally, like, what was your reaction?
Speaker B:Because I find that people tend to be like, oh, this is the middle for me, Mom.
Speaker B:I'm going to make you go last.
Speaker B:And I'm going to start with Becky.
Speaker C:Okay, well, I, I, I.
Speaker C:My whole life is middle.
Speaker C:I am the middle.
Speaker C:I'm Marcia, Marcia, Marcia.
Speaker C:Right.
Speaker C:I am the middle child.
Speaker C:And I have always been.
Speaker B:You're also like yelling, oh, geez, you are.
Speaker E:You are louder than everyone else.
Speaker C:Is this better?
Speaker D:Yes, it's better.
Speaker B:Yes.
Speaker C:But when.
Speaker C:So basically you sent it in a text or something, right?
Speaker C:I'm trying to think of how I. I did.
Speaker B:Yeah.
Speaker C:And you said, when I say the middle, what does that mean, make you think of.
Speaker C:My first thought was actually hope floats that movie at the very end when it's Sandra Bullock talking and she says that endings are sad and beginnings are scary and the middle is where everything is messy and confusing and you just gotta give it time for hope to float.
Speaker C:And I was like, yeah, like, I get that.
Speaker B:So middle makes sense that I literally had someone send that to me via a DM last week.
Speaker B:Yeah.
Speaker E:Did you research that or did you just happen to know that off the top of your head me that quote?
Speaker C:Yes.
Speaker C:Well, okay, so I know that the beginnings are scary and endings are sad.
Speaker C:I remember that part.
Speaker C:I can't remember what she says about the middle, but it definitely says something about a hope floating up in the middle or whatever.
Speaker D:But yes, I really do like that explanation of it.
Speaker D:I think that is a really good explanation.
Speaker B:That's not allowed to be your answer though, Mom.
Speaker B:You still have to talk to it.
Speaker D:That was what I was gonna say.
Speaker B:Next.
Speaker E:Well, I've mostly thought of, like, Stages of motherhood.
Speaker E:You know, your kids go through different stages.
Speaker E:They're toddlers, they're teenagers, you know, all that.
Speaker E:So that was.
Speaker E:My mind kind of went to that first and how that kind of.
Speaker E:Some of them stink.
Speaker E:You know, to be in the middle of potty training is kind of crappy and all this stuff.
Speaker E:No pun intended.
Speaker E:But I also thought there's some times where the middle is good.
Speaker E:Like, I'm a puzzle doer, and the middle of the puzzle is the best part.
Speaker E:You know, the end kind of.
Speaker E:Or the beginning's kind of bad because you got to find all the edge pieces and the ends, you know, bittersweet.
Speaker E:Cause you get it done.
Speaker E:But the middle is the good part.
Speaker E:Or like a middle of a good book.
Speaker E:The middle's the good part.
Speaker E:So it made me also think of that.
Speaker B:I like that answer, too.
Speaker B:I also.
Speaker B:I know I have already said this, but, like, the middles of food are.
Speaker A:Always my favorite part.
Speaker B:I love the middle.
Speaker B:So there are definitely good things.
Speaker B:And I honestly, the.
Speaker B:The stages part, I actually think of you a lot, too, because you had your three kids going through really hard stages.
Speaker B:I feel like at the same time, because they're so close in age and all that stuff.
Speaker B:And I think I remember mom saying something like, it's.
Speaker B:You'll get through it.
Speaker B:It's just.
Speaker B:You're just in the middle of it.
Speaker B:It's fine, you know, So I do see that in my mind.
Speaker B:All right, mom, you have to have an answer.
Speaker D:Okay.
Speaker D:Well, the middle for me, and it was kind of like in Amy's motherhood reference, where mine is a little bit wider because I had my children, and then I.
Speaker D:They all left the house, which I loved that part of my life when they were all in the house.
Speaker D:Okay.
Speaker D:And then it was kind of a sad.
Speaker D:And I'm still in the middle, but they're all kind of gone.
Speaker D:But then I started getting grandchildren, so it kind of beefed it up again.
Speaker D:And now they're all getting older, and I feel like I'm sliding into maybe another beginning as I'm slowly ending this one.
Speaker D:So.
Speaker D:So I know I still have Lacey's little.
Speaker B:My kids are still young.
Speaker B:Mom.
Speaker B:I count.
Speaker D:I know, but the bulk of them.
Speaker D:The bulk of them, I mean, they're getting in high school and stuff, and I. I just can't believe it, you know?
Speaker D:So, you know, this is a long middle for me, and I. I think I'm kind of transferring into something else.
Speaker D:But I liked Becky's, you know, the middle or the the first part, the beginning, is scary exciting, and along the way, there's lots of bumps.
Speaker D:And the ending is, you know, they're all getting older, and then they're not going to need their grammy anymore.
Speaker D:And that's sad.
Speaker C:But.
Speaker A:It's sad.
Speaker B:But I feel like I still need you very much as your daughter, and.
Speaker D:I. Oh, I plan on being there for your.
Speaker D:Your kids, too.
Speaker D:But, you know, I knew you were gonna say that.
Speaker D:I like being needed by my kids.
Speaker D:I mean, that.
Speaker D:That makes you feel good when your kids need you, even when they're adults.
Speaker B:Yeah, I'm.
Speaker B:My kids still need me a little too much sometimes.
Speaker A:Like, there are.
Speaker B:Sometimes I'm like, Isaac still is just very touchy.
Speaker B:I think of Amy.
Speaker B:You're like my kid.
Speaker B:My boys are very tactical, and Isaac is just.
Speaker B:If he could be on top of me all the time, he would.
Speaker B:And so sometimes I'm like, I wish you would need me at a little less right now.
Speaker D:I know.
Speaker D:I used to feel like that, too, but now I'm like, oh, suck it in every one of those little hugs and stuff, because one day it won't be there.
Speaker B:The other day, he kept putting his feet on me, and I just said, stop putting your feet on me.
Speaker B:And then he said, well, can I put my arm on you?
Speaker B:And then he went through, like, all of his body parts on what he could put on me.
Speaker B:So I thought we would kind of look at the middle of motherhood, because that's something.
Speaker B:We're all in very different stages of motherhood, so I am still very new in my motherhood journey.
Speaker B:You heard mom talk about her Grammy Hood journey as part of.
Speaker B:Of her.
Speaker B:Her middle explanation.
Speaker B:And then, like, Brandy sent her first child off to college last year.
Speaker B:So there's just a lot of.
Speaker B:Of different stages and middles happening right now.
Speaker B:So maybe I can ask a specific question, since I'm still in the beginning of my motherhood journey.
Speaker B:I'm going to ask what the toughest middle of motherhood was for you.
Speaker D:Well, I can answer.
Speaker D:I have two.
Speaker D:I think the toughest ones, when you see your child, maybe the best decisions, and then you have to kind of sit back and first of accept it and then kind of help think that is really difficult.
Speaker D:And then me with you and Beck, you know, watching your health, you suffer and not being able to do anything about it.
Speaker D:So I'm sure there's lots of mothers everywhere who.
Speaker D:Children are ill.
Speaker D:They just have to sit back and get them to where they get their help.
Speaker D:But you still have to watch them suffer.
Speaker D:Those are kind of tough.
Speaker B:It's funny because you say that mom, and I think of the last doctor's appointment you went to me with, and it wasn't a great one.
Speaker B:And it was like, mom was done with this person.
Speaker B:She was like, I think we're good.
Speaker B:We're gonna go now.
Speaker B:I mean, we were one of those.
Speaker C:Moments with mom, too, but it's not.
Speaker B:Very often that you see that kind of like, mama bear come out of mom because she's a little bit more, like, reserved and that kind of stuff.
Speaker B:But, man, she was just like, this is serving none of us.
Speaker B:We're.
Speaker B:We don't need to do anything else.
Speaker B:Thank you.
Speaker B:We're gonna go.
Speaker D:Yeah.
Speaker D:They just didn't get it.
Speaker D:She just didn't get it, so.
Speaker D:And she.
Speaker D:She.
Speaker D:Pretty.
Speaker D:Was exhausted of listening to everything.
Speaker D:I think.
Speaker B:Yeah.
Speaker D:Yeah.
Speaker D:It was time to go.
Speaker B:And then on the way out, talked about how frustrating that was, which was nice to have.
Speaker B:I just.
Speaker B:Joe has gone to a lot of appointments with me, too.
Speaker B:My husband.
Speaker B:And I just feel like he would have not stepped in as much to be like, no.
Speaker B:Okay, thank you.
Speaker B:Bye.
Speaker B:I think you have let me step in more, and I'm grateful that you are.
Speaker B:You are there to step in for me.
Speaker B:It's interesting as the juxtaposition between those two things, of, I'm going through this hard thing.
Speaker B:You have to let me go through it.
Speaker B:But then there are still places where you're like, nope, we're just going to move on from here.
Speaker B:So, Becky, I want to know.
Speaker B:Well, Amy, is.
Speaker B:Is that your kind of looking at motherhood, the letting go, or.
Speaker B:I don't want to assume.
Speaker E:Yeah, like, and right now, I know mental health is a big thing, and, you know, so that's something I never worried about, really, when they were little, and now I worry about that.
Speaker E:So that's another big thing as they get older that you don't have any control over, and you just have to be the.
Speaker E:Ask the right questions and be supportive.
Speaker B:And I think that's a good segue to Becky.
Speaker D:Oh, no.
Speaker D:What did that mean?
Speaker C:I was, like, serious.
Speaker C:I have so many things to say about that, but I'm going to now.
Speaker C:I'm Becky's sister in this space.
Speaker C:Right.
Speaker C:I'm Becky's sister in this space.
Speaker E:Are you in a closet?
Speaker E:Can I just ask that?
Speaker D:Yes, Becky.
Speaker C:Okay.
Speaker C:This is where I was thinking I would get the most.
Speaker C:Silence is in my closet.
Speaker C:How sad is that?
Speaker B:Sorry.
Speaker C:With my shoes.
Speaker C:Maybe this is my happy place.
Speaker B:That wouldn't make sense to the rest of us.
Speaker B:I just said that because you're a therapist and mental health is your specialty.
Speaker B:It has nothing to do with you as a person.
Speaker B:Oh, my gosh.
Speaker C:I just.
Speaker C:I. I'm not gonna talk.
Speaker C:Well, okay.
Speaker C:School.
Speaker C:School has been the hardest part for me.
Speaker C:Well, no, that.
Speaker C:That is probably the second hardest.
Speaker C:The.
Speaker C:But school has been just a struggle with all of my kids and to watch them and know how bright they are.
Speaker C:Mom and I actually were just talking about Xander the other day, and I said, he is quick.
Speaker C:He comes back with these, like, real fast responses that are.
Speaker E:Wit.
Speaker E:He's got a lot of good wit.
Speaker B:He's got great comedic timing too.
Speaker E:Yeah, he does.
Speaker C:But, I mean, still, he tells people.
Speaker C:He's like, I can't read.
Speaker C:And I'm like, yes, you can.
Speaker C:I mean, there's a lot of school stuff has been very hard for us.
Speaker C:Millie was, like, thought she was gonna push through, but now she's struggling.
Speaker C:Probably more at this age than the other two did earlier on.
Speaker C:So school would probably be my second.
Speaker C:But I think the hardest part for me has been, like, my illness and the way it has affected me as a mother and what I had hoped for to be like watching my kids battle.
Speaker C:I mean, I remember one day, Xander looked at me.
Speaker C:He goes, I'm not going to school.
Speaker C:I'm staying here with you because if somebody has to call 91 1, I want to be able to do it.
Speaker C:And I was just like, how do you look at it?
Speaker C:I don't know.
Speaker C:He was probably 9, 10 at the time and say, no, go.
Speaker C:Like, I don't.
Speaker C:It was.
Speaker C:It was rough.
Speaker C:That's rough.
Speaker C:So I think that has probably been the hardest part for me.
Speaker B:I mean, I can relate to that.
Speaker B:Isaac asks me constantly how I'm feeling.
Speaker B:How you feeling, Mom?
Speaker B:How you feeling?
Speaker B:And it's because he is very empathetic and aware, and it's something that I'm proud of him for, but also, I don't want.
Speaker B:He's four.
Speaker B:He doesn't need to worry about me, you know.
Speaker B:Now have I started using it a little bit to my advantage?
Speaker B:Yes.
Speaker B:He was being a turd last night, and I knew he would get up and help me go up the stairs.
Speaker B:So I used it, and he helped me go up the stairs, and there wasn't a situation anymore.
Speaker B:And at that point, I just think I'm smart.
Speaker B:Like, if I'm using what I got.
Speaker C:I was gonna say, I think we call that redirection.
Speaker D:Redirection.
Speaker E:Distraction, distraction.
Speaker E:Distraction, distraction.
Speaker B:Yeah.
Speaker E:That's just another tool in your mothering toolbox.
Speaker B:I worry sometimes that I don't have the same connection with Iris because I'm not able to be there physically with her like I was with Isaac to do things and to play and.
Speaker B:And that kind of stuff.
Speaker B:Now she is a very different person in general.
Speaker B:She's got some sass, and I cannot tell her what to do and that.
Speaker B:But does she hug Jo and look at me while she's doing it and not hug me?
Speaker B:Yes, she does that.
Speaker B:She'll hug him so hard.
Speaker B:And she looks at me in the mirror when she does it, like, makes eye contact with me.
Speaker C:But think about that.
Speaker C:She's gonna have such a special relationship with him.
Speaker C:And that's wonderful.
Speaker B:Yeah, that's great.
Speaker B:But I grew her.
Speaker B:I threw up every day for her.
Speaker B:I could at least get the hug.
Speaker C:You peed your pants for her every day.
Speaker C:Aren't you glad you had us to go through all that first?
Speaker C:So when you're like, I almost peed my pants.
Speaker C:We were like, yeah, totally normal.
Speaker C:It's fine.
Speaker B:Yes and no.
Speaker B:Because sometimes I think I was too aware.
Speaker B:Cause I think it scared me a little.
Speaker B:Cause I knew too much.
Speaker B:Now I didn't know I was gonna pee my pants when I puked.
Speaker B:That I didn't know.
Speaker B:I don't remember those conversations.
Speaker B:That's why I'm like, let me tell everybody I know.
Speaker B:Apparently that and bidets are what's gonna get me out in the world is being really vocal about peeing my pants and loving using a bidet.
Speaker B:All right, let's just move into advice.
Speaker B:Do you have, like.
Speaker B:I like people to have advice or a takeaway.
Speaker C:What?
Speaker B:And it doesn't have to be motherhood related.
Speaker B:It can be anything that you want.
Speaker B:What piece of advice has been really helpful to you?
Speaker B:What piece of advice would you love to have heard when you were younger?
Speaker D:I think I wish I would have.
Speaker D:I know this isn't real thoughtful, but I wish I would have documented more, just like in a journal or a notebook about little stories or things like that.
Speaker D:But I will say one of my favorite Christmas presents every year is the album that you guys make for me.
Speaker D:What has happened that year.
Speaker D:That is my favorite thing.
Speaker B:Tell us more about that so you can share with the world.
Speaker A:Mother.
Speaker D:My favorite.
Speaker D:My albums that have all my grandchildren and what they did through the years.
Speaker D:And you all send your favorite pictures and to put them in a book and you give them to Christmas present.
Speaker D:We look back at the other ones, too.
Speaker D:And the grandchildren love to look back at those, too.
Speaker D:So that's my favorite gift every year.
Speaker C:My piece of advice with mom's book is to anybody who's doing it to do it online so other people can upload so you can divide the responsibility and order the same size every year.
Speaker C:Because when you get a perfectionist and they've got the books lined up just right and there's three of them that are completely different size than the other ones, it really messes with them.
Speaker C:So pick one size and go with that size year after year after year.
Speaker D:I will say that's very good advice.
Speaker B:Is that your advice for everyone, Becky?
Speaker B:Is that your best?
Speaker C:Very good advice.
Speaker D:You know what else?
Speaker D:What might be kind of cool in there is little spots where, like, they could write a little note of what the picture is or a story or something like that.
Speaker D:Not that I want to add to your project.
Speaker E:We.
Speaker B:We don't have time for that.
Speaker C:We barely get it done.
Speaker C:Mom.
Speaker C:In the beginning, if you look at the first books, I think there was, like, little one liners.
Speaker B:I think so too, in there.
Speaker C:And the.
Speaker C:And I bought.
Speaker D:You guys know, you do this for me.
Speaker D:Why don't you just save this favorite photo in a little folder?
Speaker D:Come on, aim lace.
Speaker D:Save in a folder.
Speaker D:So it's easy.
Speaker D:Hey, hey.
Speaker B:You didn't document enough.
Speaker B:You calm down.
Speaker C:We have this down actually to a pretty good science.
Speaker C:But when done well, there's several of us that work together to get it done in, like, a week's time, usually.
Speaker D:Well, I love it.
Speaker C:I mean, thank goodness for social media, because that is one of our primary ways.
Speaker D:Can you guys, like, do a year this year and then a previous year, like before you started the book?
Speaker D:So I can from the beginning.
Speaker C:We could wait.
Speaker C:What year do we start with and what year, like, are we going from?
Speaker D:We have about 10, but I'd have to look.
Speaker B:I mean, you just have to shake the heads out.
Speaker B:It's not like you have to do.
Speaker C:Only if it was in, like, the other room, like 20ft away.
Speaker D:All right, I'll go get it.
Speaker D:It's literally the next room over.
Speaker C:Can I say mom is talking way more than I thought?
Speaker B:I know she says she's not going to say anything.
Speaker A:Ms.
Speaker B:I want to say as little as possible.
Speaker B:I know.
Speaker C:That's when she's like, this is yours.
Speaker E:I don't talk about her anymore.
Speaker D:I think.
Speaker D:Here we go.
Speaker B:Hold on.
Speaker B:I think don't say anything bad about Mom.
Speaker D:I think I have them in order here, look at the pile of uneven books.
Speaker D:12 is the first book.
Speaker D:Look at you.
Speaker B:5.
Speaker C:We're real cute.
Speaker B:We went real deep into the books.
Speaker B:Yeah.
Speaker C:We are.
Speaker D:We started the books in the middle.
Speaker C:Is what we're talking about.
Speaker C:Not at the beginning.
Speaker C:We start at the books in the middle.
Speaker B:That's nice.
Speaker C:So start the books at the beginning from now on.
Speaker B:Okay, who's given advice?
Speaker B:Who needs to give advice?
Speaker B:Is mom the only Who?
Speaker B:Mom's the only one.
Speaker B:Becky, yours for the books didn't count.
Speaker B:You got to give life advice, not just book advice.
Speaker D:I don't.
Speaker C:I don't like.
Speaker C:I don't like the idea of giving advice, and I think that's the therapist brain, like, doing its thing.
Speaker B:But tell us more about that.
Speaker C:I would rather give somebody information and let them make a decision about what they feel like they need to do so that they can go forward and be confident in the decisions they make instead of feeling like so and so told me I should do this, because then we just did.
Speaker C:We bounce from advice to advice to advice without having, like, understanding and drive behind it.
Speaker C:So I would rather give somebody the information so then they can apply it as they prefer.
Speaker B:So Becky's piece of advice is to take advice as you need it and make it your own.
Speaker B:That's.
Speaker B:That's very Becky.
Speaker D:She's very Becky.
Speaker C:Don't take advice.
Speaker C:Just don't.
Speaker C:Just don't take advice.
Speaker C:Do your own research.
Speaker C:Make decisions.
Speaker B:But how do you know if the research is forgive yourself?
Speaker C:You know what my advice is?
Speaker C:Forgive yourself for all of the crap because you're gonna screw it up.
Speaker B:That's a good one.
Speaker B:I'm glad that I bullied you into giving advice.
Speaker C:So forgive all the people who give you terrible advice and forgive yourself for taking it.
Speaker C:Do you know the parenting advice that I consistently get from mom is.
Speaker C:I don't know.
Speaker C:You just figure it out.
Speaker D:Mom, how.
Speaker C:How did you do this?
Speaker C:How did you figure that out?
Speaker C:I don't know.
Speaker D:You just figure it out, all of it together.
Speaker D:You make your best guess.
Speaker C:Okay?
Speaker D:You make your best guess, and you.
Speaker D:You go for it, and it's usually the right one, and you just wait it out, and it usually works out.
Speaker D:There's a lot of right answers.
Speaker D:Right.
Speaker D:There's a lot of right.
Speaker B:It will be okay, because you never.
Speaker C:Know if it was actually the wrong or right answer.
Speaker C:All right?
Speaker B:Brandi has good connection now, from what I can see on my side.
Speaker B:So, Brandi, what's your advice?
Speaker F:Get it out like a general life, I guess, kind of my General kind of motto, like, I think you need to do everything with a good heart.
Speaker F:No matter, like, what the outcome is, it's not always going to benefit you.
Speaker F:You got to do what's right right in that moment and do it with a good heart.
Speaker F:Because in the end, you can look at yourself in the mirror and know you did what was right and right and fair.
Speaker F:Not always even.
Speaker F:It's not always perfect.
Speaker F:And when I mean right, I mean morally right.
Speaker F:It doesn't necessarily mean that's the right path for everybody, just morally right.
Speaker F:Do it with a good heart, and then you can't.
Speaker F:You don't have to worry about those awful consequences that could come doing it with a bad heart or bad what's right for you, what morally is right for you.
Speaker F:You can look yourself in the mirror and know, I did the right thing.
Speaker F:I had to either walk away.
Speaker F:I had to either stop it.
Speaker F:I had to either.
Speaker F:So suck it up.
Speaker B:Bite my tongue.
Speaker F:Or go with it.
Speaker B:Well, I feel like we've given a lot of great advice here, even though Becky doesn't like advice.
Speaker C:See, Brandi just proved me right, though.
Speaker F:I think you do something with a kind heart, how could you go wrong?
Speaker C:Right?
Speaker C:So she said it.
Speaker C:So it's.
Speaker C:She says that the reason.
Speaker C:The way she goes about making decisions is she looks into herself and.
Speaker C:And she makes sure that she is making a decision that she can stand by and be confident in, not the one that's been given to her based off of what this person, that person, or whatever.
Speaker C:How many people agree.
Speaker C:She's saying, I go forward with this, like, foundation of what I believe, being the leader.
Speaker C:So if it does go poorly, she can look back and be like, no.
Speaker C:Like, that is the choice I would have made because that is, like, in my heart, who I am and what I believe, not because I was waving or switching based off of whatever pop.
Speaker F:Culture tells me or what everybody else thinks you should do.
Speaker B:I think we're all disagreeing on what.
Speaker A:The term of advice is, and that's fine.
Speaker C:Just be you.
Speaker F:Yes.
Speaker F:Just be you and do it with a kind heart.
Speaker F:I think that's what Brandi.
Speaker C:I agree.
Speaker C:Everything that you just said is so wonderful.
Speaker B:I will say that I agree with you, Becky.
Speaker B:I think I just disagree with the fact that advice is for everybody.
Speaker B:I like to think of it as a take a penny, give a penny.
Speaker B:This is something that I've learned in my life.
Speaker B:So just.
Speaker B:That is my view on advice, and that's my, like, listeners.
Speaker B:That's how I.
Speaker B:When we talk about advice at the end, it's not telling you what to do.
Speaker B:It's someone else's life lesson that maybe you can use, maybe you don't.
Speaker B:Oh, my gosh, Becky.
Speaker B:Well, technically, we're at the end of our podcast.
Speaker B:I usually ask my guests if there are things they want to plug of their own.
Speaker B:Do you all have anything that you want to plug?
Speaker C:I bought this really fine workbook recently.
Speaker B:Tell me more about it, Becky.
Speaker B:I would love to hear.
Speaker C:I don't have it yet.
Speaker C:I ordered it.
Speaker C:I like to have all kinds of tools in my toolbox, and that seems like a cool tool to have.
Speaker B:Well, I have a link of it in the show notes if anybody likes it.
Speaker B:And it will be an Amazon affiliate link, so I get more money if you use that specific link.
Speaker B:Thank you.
Speaker C:Okay, well, we will.
Speaker D:Can I just say that I love and I'm proud of all my daughters and the women that they have become.
Speaker B:Love you.
Speaker C:Thank you, Mom.
Speaker C:Thanks, Mom.
Speaker D:It's because of you, I very much.
Speaker B:Will talk often with my friends about how wonderful you are and how I strive to be more and more like you.
Speaker B:So, like, literally, if you come up in conversation with my friends, it's like, yeah, Love, Carolyn.
Speaker B:Carolyn's great.
Speaker B:Who wouldn't want to spend more time with Carolyn?
Speaker B:And I'm like, I know.
Speaker F:Hey.
Speaker C:I sit at basketball games and other people's grandparents come up to me and they're like, your mom is so wonderful.
Speaker D:Oh, that's sweet.
Speaker D:That's sweet.
Speaker B:Like, yeah, no, I think so, too.
Speaker F:I think we've had a very strong role model.
Speaker D:Let's just say that it's been my pleasure.
Speaker D:My pleasure.
Speaker C:I agree.
Speaker A:Hello from editing Lacey, who is just finished listening to the whole thing through and figuring out what worked and what didn't.
Speaker A:As I said, you got to hear from Amy in the beginning and Brandi in the end, but because for some reason, when they switched, it did record.
Speaker B:For the other one.
Speaker A:I will say I enjoyed this so much that I think I'm going to try to convince them to again have a conversation.
Speaker A:And hopefully we can, since it wouldn't.
Speaker B:Be just for the women who made me series.
Speaker A:Bring in my brother Rob so that you can have all of the siblings.
Speaker A:And I'm sure my dad would love to get involved, too.
Speaker A:So stay tuned, let me know if you enjoyed this episode, and then I can use that as a reason to try to make them all be in the same room.
Speaker A:And we'll try this again.
Speaker A:Thanks so much as usual.
Speaker A:Thank you for sharing the middle with me today.
Speaker A:Remember to check out my writings@theMiddle.com that's themddl.com while you're there you can sign up for the weekly newsletter to get a little bit more Middle in your inbox each week.
Speaker A:I am a one woman show so any bit of support means the world to me.
Speaker A:I want the middle to be as accessible as possible so I have several ways for you to support.
Speaker A:You can shop the middle with some merch or my books the Lacey loves affiliate links and recommended products patreon for additional community and content and I also just have a tip jar if you'd like to leave a tip if you like today's show.
Speaker A:Also make sure to subscribe at your favorite podcatcher, share with a friend and maybe even leave a five star review.
Speaker A:Thanks so much to Lemon Music Studio for our theme music.
Speaker A:It is literally called Sunshine and that is certainly how it feels to me.
Speaker A:Can't wait to see you in the middle again.
